Family BlissLogs

After 7 years and 8 months of marriage, it will be coming to an end in about 1 more month. According to my wife, it was completely over back in February; but will not be over till the judge signs the papers next month. Speaking of the divorce papers, we have agreed on everything and have each signed the papers at the lawyers office. I wanted to fight for more time with the kids, but realized that the only thing that would accomplish would be to make us both spend more money on lawyers. I most likely wouldn’t have gotten any more time than what she proposed and any lawyer she got would probably convinced her to get more money out of me. As far as divorces go, I suppose I’m lucky in that I won’t be paying any weekly child support or alimony.

My son asked me tonight why I was still wearing my wedding ring. My answer was that I was still married and would wear it on that finger till I wasn’t married any more. At this point, I don’t know that I’ll be ready to take it off even when the divorce is final. I’m considering wearing it on my right hand till I’m ready to remove it. I know that at this point I should move on and just remove it, but that infinity symbol on it still means forever to me. I may get over her at some point and allow myself to move on, but I am just not there yet and don’t know when I will be. I’ve had a few people tell me that I need to see a counselor, Brandy included. I did for a little while, but the person I was talking to wanted to focus on ways to “save” the marriage, which is exactly what I wanted to hear. Once Brandy convinced me that even if I changed everything about me and my life in a manner that would make her happier, the marriage was still over; I stopped speaking to the counselor. No point in talking about ways to save the marriage when the other person has no ambition to do so and is probably dating someone else already.

MY EX-WIFE THE PILOT

My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started and she got her license shortly before our divorce was final, later that same year.

Yesterday afternoon I got a phone call, that she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting. Seems she was forced to make an emergency landing in Hamilton because of bad weather. Thank God the kids weren’t with her.

The FAA issued a preliminary report, citing pilot error: Shewas flying a single engine aircraft in IFR (instrument flight rating) conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating).

The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured.

The photograph below was taken at the scene to show the extent of damage to her aircraft.

She was really lucky.

So I was watching this weeks episode of House tonight and found that I really identified with Chase. His relationship with his girlfriend is very similar to mine with my wife.

For those of you that don’t watch the show, Chase and Cameron are dating. Chase has decided that he knows that Cameron is the one for him and wants to spend the rest of his life with her. On the other hand, Cameron is looking toward life without Chase. When Chase stated his confidence in his feelings to her, she accused him of being naive. The second it was said, I knew that’s how I could be classified with my convictions in my marriage. I don’t think that being naive makes it any less right, it just makes it confusing.

I am absolutely sure that Brandy is the one for me and am sad that she has given up on me and our marriage. I’m sure that Brandy would call me naive, just like Chase. She can’t understand how I could still be so sure when she has moved on and is looking forward to life without me. I can’t understand how she could look to life after marriage before trying to work at the marriage with her spouse.

Oh man,there I go again, feeling sorry for myself and blaming her for giving up. It is hard to shake the feeling that she gave up without putting forth enough effort when you are still naive enough to think that you are still meant to be together; which we are.

A couple days ago I wrote about where I went wrong in our marriage, well today it’s her turn. It is actually quite simple. Her problem is that her attempts at saving the marriage were counter productive to doing so. She now says that she never loved me like she should love a husband, but am I really to believe that if she’s been lying to me the entire marriage? Her attempts to work on the marriage is to keep her feelings from me and accept everything for what it is and try to make herself be happy with that. The only thing that method accomplishes is to make her resent the marriage. She let her resentment get so bad that the first time she tells me she is unhappy in the marriage is when she tells me that she wants to move out. Does anyone else see at least one missed step here?

My alternative to her method of dealing with the marriage is to talk to your spouse. Sounds pretty simple I know, but I’ve heard that it could work. There are hundreds of stories out there of couples that can’t stand to be around each other but by working together and making changes in their lives; they regrow Love and get that storybook ending. I don’t know if any changes we could make would make a difference in her view of the marriage or not, but why not try? We’ve already devoted over 7 years to the marriage, why not try to fix it? Unfortunately, she will not even consider fixing the marriage. I know, your probably thinking I’ve abused her or am violent or addicted to drugs or something, but I assure you I am not. I was always a good person to my wife, our kids and her son from a previous marriage.

It is apparent to me now that she has ZERO respect for marriage. She doesn’t have the heart to be married to anyone. I was her second marriage and wish I would have recognized that before I proposed. My problem now is that I Love her still and can’t turn that off after 8 years of believing that I would spend the rest of my life with her.

A quick post to wish a Happy Mother’s Day for all you mothers out there. I hope you all have a nice relaxing day.